What Am I Doing?

I have been homeschooling for 8 years.  Every year I learn so much more than the one before.  Unfortunately I learn the most from my mistakes.  This year's biggest mistake so far was putting Pearl and Grace into our state sponsored homeschool program.  Our family has taken classes through this program for years.  The change this year is the girls go two days and take their core classes (math, language arts and science)  I will spare you all the gory details of why I now realize this was a major mistake.
I am very independent.  It might even surprise some of you that I was involved in such a program.  What you might not know is I lack a lot of confidence in my ability to guide my children through education.  Do you ever have those days where you are certain you are totally screwing them up?
There are so many choices and I want to choose well.  I do not fit into any one method or philosophy.  My educational experience is in Montessori so I naturally glean a lot from that method.  Yet, when I read other Montessori homeschooling blogs I recognize major differences in our approaches.
 I want to claim unschooling, but I would never allow my children to choose to watch tv or play video games all day.  I can't say I trust that process enough at this point.
 I do not want the bondage of large curriculum's.  People often ask what curriculum we use.  (I think it is a judgement question)  My answer is always "we don't".
We are Christian.  I have ran a children's ministry and am a certified Godly Play teacher.  Yet, we do not fit in with most other Christian homeschoolers because we are tattooed and considered  too "liberal".  (funny thing, our unChristian friends consider us too conservative)
Maybe by the time Dotty (2) is ready for school I will have an idea of what I am doing.  I doubt it.  Every child is different and our lives are at different stages.  I see the need to remain fluid.  Finding our path like a river.  Sometimes there are rapids, stagnant times,  and never truly knowing what's around the bend.  (did you just start singing Pocahontas 'Just Around the River Bend' or Garth Brooks 'The River'?  I'm guilty of both!)
So there you have it.  In case you thought I had it all together.